2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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