Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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