hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I deserve this hangover.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
