u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
