Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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