drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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