OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Found your dick twin last night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
