Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
