I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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