I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
