YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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