so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
sarcasm needs its own font
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
MIDGETS
????
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
