Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
