I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
