I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
