I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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