it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
