we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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