By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
