I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
