Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
