I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
