i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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