My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
