you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
