hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
