I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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