if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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