Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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