So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
