So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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