it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
