is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
