I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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