Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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