At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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