dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
God I need to hump something, right now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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