woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
