you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
