You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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