Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
