I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
