At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
