it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
