I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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