My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
