I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
