I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
