I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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