bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
