Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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