So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Operation Purity has been aborted
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
