Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
