You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
