Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
