angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
