I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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