Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
