Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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