Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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