I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
