I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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