No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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