I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize