I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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