I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
