I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
