I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize