I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
