If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
