I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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