im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
