GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize