Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
