He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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